Choose Mountains

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Ok- so I'm not a selfie taker. I ordered this hat from an acquaintance I know, her name is Tiare Vincent and her company is called Choose Mountains. Tiare and I met through Jacki Carr's Igolu Level 1 Group calls (now called Lightyear Leadership, I highly recommend this program for people). Anyway, I ordered this hat after I fell on that goal hike in February in the snow. Because you see after a few days of laying around and watching hilariously stupid movies and the snowboarding events of the Olympics with my mom and sister, and after I couldn't really justify taking anymore sick days from work. When I had to head out into the dark morning and walk across ice patches and walk all over the building at work to get my La Croix or run to the loo.  Like, when reality of how hurt my foot really was started settling in, I almost started cursing myself for going on that hike. For trying to be outdoorsy. So I ordered the hat to remind myself to keep Choosing Mountains.

But it wasn't until yesterday, the first time I wore my hat on the way to Evergreen to talk goals and dedication with the lovely Jacki Carr that I realized it's so much more than just choosing to be in the mountains.

I'm choosing mountains when I sign up for that online profile.

I'm choosing mountains when I decide to do a Yoga Teacher Training.

I'm choosing mountains when I submit a review to Folk Rebellion.

I'm climbing. I'm putting in the work. I'm taking deep breaths. I'm trying to conquer mountains. They might not seem like much to you... but for a girl who just spent a decade of her life hiding from love and falling into the comfort and ease of a life filled with Chipotle burritos and mindless scrolling, and tv shows, and the comfort of her parents' home... you bet your ass these things are mountains. And I'm finding that it is a conscious decision I have to return to every single day.

When that woman doesn't show up to meet me on Saturday night... and has stopped responding to my messages....

And I still say yes to go to a Second Friday Happy Hour.

I'm choosing mountains.

When a person I've never met before asks me, "are you a writer?" And it catches me off guard.

And I hear myself say, "Yes, I'm a writer."

I'm choosing mountains.

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Another thing that I thought was cool from yesterday, driving down the mountain and back to Boulder I was listening to Gabrielle Bernstein's new book, "The Judgment Detox" and I was thinking, yep, I've turned away from love so many times this year and stepped back safely into fear. I've judged a person for the way they handled the situation with me. I've judged them for judging me. I've judged the people they talk to and the people those people talk to! I have felt small, I have projected stories, and I have judged myself. Just about the time I was arriving back in Boulder, we were doing a cord cutting meditation (obviously I was doing this with my eyes open), and I was picturing that person.

The meditation went,

"I choose to forgive you.

I see you in light."

And... I kid you not, I drive right by her! She was going in the opposite direction. And that literally is saying a mouthful, we were going in opposite directions.

Ahh... symbolism.

I'm choosing to forgive.

I'm choosing to let go.

I'm choosing not to indulge in sad anniversaries.

I'm choosing to turn to the light.

I'm choosing mountains.